What My Four Year Old Taught Me About Staffing A Sudbury School
By Anne-Martine Moore, Staff Member
From the Fall 2002 Newsletter

By the time you read this, my fourth child will be five years old; however, she was a four-year old when I first became a staff member at Diablo Valley School (DVS), and I viewed a lot of things that year through the lens of a Sudbury school.

Ever since she was very small, when Anna Kate got hurt, or her feelings were slighted, or her will was thwarted, she came running to tell me all about it. By my fourth child, I had learned enough not to dash out to her at the first sound of distress (except, of course, for that certain pitch every parent recognizes that means "this is real, drop everything and move now!"). If she felt it was important enough, Anna Kate would come to me.

At such times a distracted "M-hmm" or "Oh no, that's too bad" while attempting to keep dinner from burning was not considered an acceptable response. Anna Kate would persist, increasing her volume and using all the other attention-getting tactics of a small child until I got down to her eye-level, listened carefully to the story of her whole tragedy, and responded appropriately.

In the case of a physical "wound," the appropriate response was usually to offer a band-aid, which by now she will happily get and apply for herself as soon as I suggest it. If the problem involves conflict with another child, my daughter just wants me to listen and sympathize. Usually, after she has explained the full magnitude of her difficulty, and gotten a little cuddle from Mom, she runs off without a single tear and can soon be heard happily playing.

During one of these little episodes when Anna Kate was four years old, the thought occurred to me how much like Sudbury education her natural process is. She doesn't need me to go outside and tell the boys to stop throwing sand, or to arbitrate territorial disputes. She is able to handle these situations herself.

Similarly, students at Sudbury schools don't need an adult to "fix" things for them; they are quite capable of doing the fixing by themselves. What they do need is an attentive ear, and the understanding that their problems are real and significant. All of us, at any age, want and deserve that kind of respect. Once a problem is acknowledged and heard, rather than shushed, belittled or ignored, children are quite capable of finding the resources within themselves to resolve their issues. Like the students at DVS, my daughter just needs support and acknowledgment that she does have a real problem, and that others find the same kinds of things annoying or upsetting, too.

If I jump in too quickly and solve Anna Kate's problems for her, I rob her of the chance to learn how to resolve difficulties for herself. Also, the solution I present is mine, not hers - and not necessarily the one she and her playmates will find satisfactory. Moreover, when I jump in with solutions, I send the message that Anna Kate isn't capable of resolving the matter; that she needs adult intervention to make things come out fair. And I set myself up to act as judge and jury for years to come, rather than setting up the expectation that each of us can figure out ways to solve our own problems.

Of course there are basic rules at my house, as in all your homes, such as not hurting other people. At Diablo Valley School, our Lawbook (which every School Meeting member has a voice in shaping) provides a safe framework within which to resolve conflicts and solve problems. DVS' rules can serve as a touchstone for the premise that everyone has a right to peaceably engage in activities of interest without verbal or physical harassment from anyone else.

Staff members at school model behavior, provide sympathetic and engaged listening, share experiences, offer advice when asked, and occasionally step in unsolicited if necessary - yet always mindful of the guiding principle that each person involved is capable and resourceful.

One DVS goal is to provide space for students to develop their own answers and techniques, not train them to adopt other's established approaches.

Who knows what students can come up with when given the freedom to learn?

Diablo Valley School admits students of any race, color, sex, sexual orientation, national or ethnic origin to all rights and privileges, programs and activities generally accorded or made available to students and staff at the school. It does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, sex, sexual orientation, national or ethnic origin in administration of its educational policies, admissions policies, scholarship and loan program, and athletic and other school administered programs.

Our school has enrolled students from: Antioch, Berkeley, Clayton, Concord, Danville, El Cerrito, Lafayette, Livermore, Martinez, Oakland, Oakley, Pittsburg, Pleasant Hill, San Francisco, San Leandro, Vallejo, Walnut Creek and other communities in the Bay Area.